I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
