And the cops told us we were all naked.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Everclear isn't food dammit
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
