at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Houston, we have a squirter
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
3 2 1 whiskey
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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