Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
