is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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