I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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