just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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