just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
