omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize