break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
