i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
