U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
