we're chasing vodka with high fives
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
