he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
