At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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