Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
