8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
