If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
