Non-Jews are for practice
Its about making memories worth repressing
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
