i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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