Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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