You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
