just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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