True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
