the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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