you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
