i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
