the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
