well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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