You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
