what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
