bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
