you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You ruined the universe
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
