Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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