when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
