Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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