i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
