I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
