oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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