I wannas sexs uuuuu
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Are my feet made of real feet?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
