RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
