If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i think i just lost a toe
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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