i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
