Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
