Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
