I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
