Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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