I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
