We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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