Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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