so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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