I'm gonna have a badass scar
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
