I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Randomize
