im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
