I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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