i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
false alarm. still invincible.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
