you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
