So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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