hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
