scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
