awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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