He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
