Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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