Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
