Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
