Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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