Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
