I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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