That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
