So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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