I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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