apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize