maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
we're so committed to being not committed
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
