I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
