girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
