yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I would ride that face into the sunset
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize