I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
