i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you never un-have a 4some
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