can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
