Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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