I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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