I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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