You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
