Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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