i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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