i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
