and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
