meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
