At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
