Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
