She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
