he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
