i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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