oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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