I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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