somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
