You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize