I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
