Porn is love you can see.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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