Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
