wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I want her autograph on my taint
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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