the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
