You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
