was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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