white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
