When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
how drunk are you?
Several
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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